We met in 10 grade. Mr. Wilburn’s class. I moved seats because some girls were talking about me. Ben would soon turn out to be the way better option. I ended up moving all my seats that year.
From the moment we became friends, we were inseparable. I would frequently be asked by classmates if we were dating. In high school, we made forts in my yard and sat out there listening to music on blankets. I owned this small curtain company online and Ben would iron pieces of fabric to help me be more productive so we could sell the product and earn some cash together. We spent a lot of time together, even after I ended up moving away senior year.
Our friendship lasted – it was one of those friendships you knew would be forever. After a couple years out of high school and you’re still in frequent contact and hanging out during every break – you know it’s real. You guys know what I’m talking about.
These past couple years, we would make plans to see each other every chance we could. It never felt like a chore or something forced, it just always happened. I would tell my friends back at school “I only have 2 friends from high school – Ben and Keyonna.” Cause everyone always talks about their “true friends” once you leave high school. He was one of those friends.
My freshman year of college summer I cleaned out the shed in my mom’s yard and stayed there for a couple months. Ben frequented the small shed I called home all summer. We kept each other company, I loved having him around.
You know, like us all, Ben dealt with his fair share of struggles. I stood with Ben during these moments. I never left his side, I always promised him he could count on me. We shared deep emotions, he told me secrets and I kept them safe.
I bought Ben this bear that says “someone at Brevard College loves me” and he kept it on his dresser until he moved to Wilmington. I didn’t see it back on the dresser so I assume he brought it with him. That makes me happy. I always encouraged him to go back to school, and when he did- that made me so proud. I always saw so much potential in Ben.
Last summer, we got stuck upside down on a roller coaster at Carowinds. No, seriously… that stuff actually happens! We had to hold the back of our heads up so the blood wouldn’t rush to it and cause us to pass out. This guy kept yelling over the intercom saying “please keep your head lifted” in about 3 different languages. I was terrified but Ben held my hand and talked me through it… and somehow ALSO talked me into riding more rides that day. Seriously, we stayed into the night and only left because I begged him! My headache was so bad from riding all day long. It was one of those trips where you just get off the ride and run back to the line to get back on. We did that over and over and over.
Ben and I had a special relationship. I never dreamed of the day I would have to put into words and speak to you about it today. But it was strong, it was genuine, it was real. I’ve never had a friendship quite like ours.
Seven years. Seven years I have spent with Ben by my side. Seven critical developmental years that I will cherish for eternity. We shaped each other. We grew from one another.
I told you I would always be there for you. Now, you’ll always be there with me. Your presence lives on in my memory forever, rest in paradise Ben. I love you, always have and always will.
Dear Grief Journal 